


Letters Across Thedas

by wanderingghost



Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II, Dragon Age: Inquisition, Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Drabbles, F/M, Humor, Inquisition spoilers, Swearing, silly things, some fluff?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-12
Updated: 2015-01-31
Packaged: 2018-03-07 08:14:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 4,771
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3167831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wanderingghost/pseuds/wanderingghost
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Leliana's quest to intercept and collect all letters across Thedas may have gone a little bit overboard. Nothing will escape the spymaster's attention.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Letter Found On A Deceased Darkspawn

(a crumpled page with hasty handwriting)

What on earth am I doing writing a letter to you when there is a horde of darkspawn camping outside the door I currently have my back on? This is exactly how all those miserable wretches felt, isn't? All those times we laughed at their poor death letters. Now who's laughing? Probably you if you ever read this. Or whoever you are reading this. This is some kind of divine retribution on me by the Maker, isn't? I swear by Andraste's tits, Sebastian will answer for this. I think I'm going to set a barrier and hurl a few fireballs at their faces now. Wish me luck. Or not. Stupid piece of paper.

 

* * *

  

Well... I can't believe that worked. HA. I am the Champion, slayer of dragons and darkspawn. I am unbeatable. All will bow and kiss my feet. I need to tell Varric all about this and he's not going to believe me. So I just took on about two dozen hurlocks on my own. Threw some fireballs in the face and made them dance around. So I thought, hey, I should probably make my way towards that nice looking door over there. So I do, but an ogre comes crashing through. Naturally, I blinded it with an expertly thrown dagger in the eye. Then the stupid thing started rampaging about and trampled on all the other little darkspawn. Missed me completely just standing in the middle of the chamber. After that, the ogre promptly fell off a cliff. I am not shitting you.

Wait, why am I still writing on this?

(on the other side is a poorly drawn ogre with the Champion laughing in triumph) 


	2. Taken From The King's Private Study

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spoilers for Inquisition. Bending timeline a little bit? Mage Warden needs more love from King Alistair, damn it. Plus my Hero of Ferelden is 110% done.

* * *

 

 

"I'm so sorry that I forgot to tell you that I will be disappearing for a little while, dearest Alistair. Don't worry about me, I'm still alive. And don't forget to feed Barkspawn. And wash behind your ears. And whatever you do, do  _not_ start a war between Ferelden and Orlais before I come back.

With Love, your dearest Solona."

Really? Is that so hard?

 

* * *

 

 

To The King of Ferelden, Alistair Theirin:

I deeply apologise to His Majesty and I swear to atone for my sins at the swiftest convenience.

I hope this letter will actually get to you, and not join the five hundred and seventy eight letters that I tried to send. Which apparently must have gotten eaten by a blighted dragon in mid-flight. That would have been a sight. Maybe this time I'll try taming it and making it my own. The High Constable at Weisshaupt has been driving me up the wall and I swear to the Maker that if the First Warden hadn't given me permission to leave, I would have shoved a burning sword of mercy up his-

(the next part of the letter has been stained and is no longer legible)

And what is this I've heard about rebel mages taking over Redcliffe and kicking Arl Teagan out of his own castle? If I come back and find the countryside overrun by corpses  _yet again_ , there will be a lot to answer for, Alistair Theirin. I just had to seal a tear in the veil again yesterday. That is probably the hundredth time I have done it in the past four years alone. I swear to the Maker. What is becoming of Thedas?

Love,  
Warden-Commander Solona Amell.

 

* * *

 

 

Darling,

We really need to talk about your violent outbursts when you come back home. I assure you, Redcliffe is mostly fine. I think. I kicked the rebel mages out. The Inquisitor helped, you know she's a mage too? From the Free Marches, I heard. She seemed nice, helped me clean out the kitchen of Venatori spies sent to assassinate me. Wasn't pretty. Makes me miss the good old days though. What in the Maker's name are you even doing in the Anderfels? Can you see the big breach in the sky from there? Anyway, drop whatever you're doing and come back. Barkspawn misses you a lot, it's becoming intolerable. He keeps whining and slobbering all over my Orlesian carpets (not that I'm broken up about it). And Teagan has taken it upon himself to start badgering me about an "heir". He's worse than Eamon.

By the way, I visited Kirkwall a few years ago and guess who I met? The Champion of Kirkwall. Your cousin. I can actually see the family resemblance. Leliana came to visit me too, she's working for that Inquisition thing now. She kept glaring at me, I'm not really sure why and asked if I knew where you were. I told her you've been at Weisshaupt and showed her that letter you sent. She didn't even smile, it was creepy. She looks even more sad now, if that was even possible. Probably because of what happened at the Conclave, everybody dying and all that. She used to be the Left Hand of the Divine. Whatever that means.

Solona, come back home. I miss you.

Love,  
Alistair.

 

* * *

 

 

Dearest Alistair,

I miss you too.

So guess what? Look out the window.

 

(hastily scrawled underneath)

Fix window.

 

(written beneath in a neat hand)

I don't need to worry about the two of them.

 


	3. Notice To Advisors From The Inquisitor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My Inquisitor is a petty and jealous lover, and everyone knows it.

* * *

 

List of Individuals Banned Forthwith From Entering Skyhold:

Emilie Dubois

Comte du Mar

Fifi de Launcet

Babette de Launcet

Baron DuPuis

Lord Martin Guichard

Marquis Le Roux

Cyril de Montford

Lady Antoinette de Chevil

Lady Jeanette de Ghyslain

Comtesse d'Argent

Comtesse Montbeliard

Marquise Mantillon

 

* * *

 

Lady Inquisitor,

Surely you jest? These are all highly regarded members of the Orlesian nobility. Without their good favor, we would not be able to gain the reputation that is needed for the Inquisition to move forward. And exactly what has Marquise Mantillon done that has earned your ire? She is an accomplished player of The Grand Game and a member of the Council of Heralds.

Josephine Montilyet.

 

* * *

 

Cullen,

Have you seen this? This is your fault.

Leliana.

 

* * *

 

Leliana,

Please explain how this is my fault.

Cullen.

 

* * *

 

Cullen,

These are all the names of your entourage the night of the Grand Ball in Hallamshiral. The Inquisitor is jealous of your admirers. Also, I have received several letters from Josephine from half of the people on this list asking about you, and from many more that fortunately escaped her notice. Most likely as she was too busy running around the Palace. Although how she was still able to identify them is actually very impressive. We may have underestimated her abilities. I asked Vivienne if she had given the Inquisitor the names, but she did not.

Leliana.

 

* * *

 

Leliana,

Maker's breath. You cannot be serious.

Cullen.

 

* * *

 

Cullen,

I am completely serious.

 

* * *

 

Leliana,

I will speak to her about it at once.

 

* * *

 

Josephine,

The Inquisitor is adamant on her ban of the Orlesian nobles. Do you have a possible solution for this?

Cullen.

 

* * *

 

Lady Inquisitor and Commander Cullen,

Seeing as the reason for the ban on the Orlesian nobles stems from the problem of having a too pretty Commander, I propose this: We hold a ball in commemoration of your union and invite all the nobles on the list. And more... In that way, they will know that the Commander is now taken and we can safely resume our political friendship with them.

Josephine Montilyet.

 

* * *

 

Josephine,

No. This is ridiculous.

Lady Inquisitor and Commander Cullen.

 

(written underneath in another hand)

Josie, I like this idea. Let's do it and surprise them.

 

* * *

 


	4. Letters From An Unnamed Source

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all the comments and kudos! It makes me a very happy bunny and I just love you guys ok. *gives squishy hug from your LI*

* * *

 

Alistair,

I demand to know what has happened to the Warden. I have not heard from her for more than three months. What have you done to her?

The Arishok.

 

* * *

 

The Arishok,

Oh, hi, Sten. I mean, The Arishok. You know, I have a title too. It's 'The King of Ferelden'. Just in case you forgot. But that's okay. A lot of people tend to forget about that minor detail. I wasn't aware that  _my_ Warden was in contact with you. I haven't done anything to her. She's the Hero of Ferelden, I'd like to see anybody or anything 'do' something to her. That would be the day. What do you want from her anyway? She's a very busy woman, killing darkspawn, saving the world, looking for unattainable and miraculous cures by chance. But last I checked, she was heading somewhere west on Grey Warden business. Again.

Alistair Theirin,  
The **King** of Ferelden.

 

* * *

 

 _Pashaara_. Do not waste my time. Do you or do you not know how to reach her? We had an agreement and she has not delivered.

The Arishok.

 

* * *

 

The Arishok,

Wait, what agreement? And I noticed you didn't even  _address_ me in your last letter. You did that on purpose, didn't you? What agreement did she make with you? What has she not delivered? Why didn't she tell me about this? And no, I haven't heard from her either.

Alistair Theirin,  
 **The King of Ferelden.**

 

* * *

 

The agreement was if the Qun decided to invade the south, we will leave Ferelden for last. If the Warden is unable to deliver, then you must deliver for her. It is a matter of honour.

The Arishok.

 

* * *

 

The Arishok,

I'm almost afraid to ask.  _What_ am I supposed to be delivering?

 **Alistair Theirin,  
** **The King of Ferelden.**

 

* * *

 

A month's supply of cookies. Every month.

The Arishok.

 

* * *

 

The Arishok.

I'm sorry. I must be seeing things. But did you mean that in exchange for leaving Ferelden for last in a possible future invasion of the Qun, we are to supply Par Vollen a month's supply of  _cookie_ _s_ every month? Really?

Do you not have bakers in the Qun?

 **Alistair Theirin,  
** **The King of Ferelden.**

 

* * *

  

Yes, that is what I meant. At least your comprehension skills are sufficient, there is hope for you yet. And Qunari bakers are unable to replicate this recipe to satisfaction.

I am still waiting.

The Arishok.

 

* * *

 

The Arishok,

Here, your cookies. Enjoy. With love from Ferelden.

Alistair.

 

* * *

 

King Alistair,

Good.

The Arishok.

 

(a fur covered bundle is attached)

 

* * *

  

Dear Lyna,

How are you? I hope this letter sees you well. When I heard a Dalish clan from the north had made camp in the Brecilian Forest, I figured it had to be you all. I'm settling in rather nicely in Denerim. The castle is big and warm, and everyone is so kind to me. There are a few other elves working here as well so I am not alone. I count myself blessed by the Creators to be able to live comfortably like this. I could easily have ended up in the Alienage instead. I know that you disapprove but I am happy here with four walls surrounding me. You are my dearest friend and I hope that one day you will be able to understand why I left. I have been tasked to assist the new cook in the kitchens. We received an odd request from the King the other day to bake a month's worth of cookies which were to be sent far north. I wonder what that could be for? This morning I brought a package to the King. It was squishy and I think it smelled of dried blood but I couldn't be sure. After I closed the door to the King's study, I heard him scream. I then turned around and knocked on his door in concern. He sounded very faint and told me to fetch Arl Teagan. It was very odd.

Please send my regards to the Keeper.

All my love,  
Nehare.

 

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Arishok greatly approves. (+20)


	5. A Letter From Llomerryn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Has anyone done this before? I'm so sorry.

* * *

 

Varric,

Do you know about that fancy brothel in Denerim called The Pearl? Well, supposedly it was named after a famous ghost ship in the Waking Sea. And guess what? I found it! I actually found it! It was bloody real and it actually  _was_ cursed. It all started when I found this drunken sailor in Llomerryn. He called himself Jack and kept going on and on about some golden coin. It just so happened, I had this coin he was looking for. He started losing it in front of everyone and told me to run, run as far as I could and don't look back with this ominous expression on his face. Of course, I thought he was a raving lunatic and ignored him. The next day I went out to sea with the boys and we got caught in this thick white fog. Everything suddenly went still and we found ourselves stranded in the middle of the ocean. After a while, Casavir suddenly calls out and points in the distance. This gigantic ship with black sails was heading towards us with no wind and no oars!

Naturally, the crew started dropping to their knees and praying to the Maker. Honestly, any other day you'd be able to see them selling their mothers in the marketplace. Anyway, the ship came to a stop next to us and it was completely empty. Nobody dared to even move a muscle as we stared at it. A second later, I heard this gross wet sound and turned around to find a bunch of skeletons climbing up the side of my ship! I lost five good men! The weirdest part about it all was that they became human in the shadows. Really, what kind of stupid curse is that? So I used that to my advantage and fought them off one by one. Then the captain came up to me with his big feathered hat (mine is bigger), and said that they only came for the gold coin. Well, if _that_ was all they wanted, they could have just asked! I have plenty more gold coins! I made a face at him and threw the coin in his direction. But he missed it and the coin fell into the sea. So he hissed at me and then jumped overboard, followed by his crew. And the ghost ship next to us just drifted off again. After a while, the fog rolled away and the wind came back. I couldn't have unfurled those sails any faster even if I tried. Still gives me the creeps.

Admiral Isabela.

 

* * *

  

Rivaini,

You are an incorrigible and filthy liar. And I thought I was bad.

Varric Tethras.

 

* * *

 

Varric,

What? No! Varric! I'm not lying! Everything I told you was completely true! I swear on my hat!

Admiral Isabela.

 

* * *

 

Rivaini,

Uh-huh, sure. And I'm the King of Nevarra.

Varric Tethras.

 

* * *

 


	6. Letters Found In Vigil's Keep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't be the only one upset that Nathaniel didn't get a cameo/mention in Inquisition, right? And I really like making references.

* * *

  

Nathaniel,

I heard the Commander made you her second-in-command before she left Amaranthine. Did she leave Ser Pounce-a-lot with you too? She said the King was allergic to cats and her Mabari might scare him off. I hope you're taking good care of my cat. Make sure you don't give him anything with fine bones. And he likes milk so always have a saucer out for him.

Anders.

 

* * *

 

Anders,

Maker's breath, I thought you were dead? Everyone is saying that you died when the Chantry at Kirkwall exploded. How are you still alive? Are you even Anders? You're not someone pretending to be him so you can ask me secret Warden plans and destroy the world with it?

Nathaniel Howe.

 

* * *

 

Nathaniel,

I got better. But if you really need proof. I know that you were the one who snuck into the Commander's room with Sigrun to coat her entire room with beeswax. Sigrun told me when she was drunk. Commander's still mad about that, by the way. There are secret Warden plans that can be used to destroy the world? I really miss the Order, sometimes. What about Ser Pounce-a-lot?

Anders.

 

* * *

 

Anders,

Alright, fine, I believe you. How are you always able to escape death? Ser Pounce-a-lot is fine. He's a cat, Anders, what do you expect me to say about him? He sleeps for twelve hours a day and then yowls around the Keep for someone to feed him. He also wakes me up in the morning by sitting on my face. Where are you anyway? How are you able to send letters? Aren't you a wanted apostate now?

Nathaniel Howe.

 

* * *

 

Nathaniel,

No, I'm a wizard. And the whole point about staying hidden is not to reveal where I am, Nathaniel. Aaw, that's so cute. I miss Ser Pounce-a-lot. I wish I didn't have to leave him behind. I heard winter in Ferelden is going to be freezing this year so I knitted some sweaters for Ser Pounce-a-lot. There's one for every day of the week. It's been a really long time since I last saw him so I don't know how big he's gotten. Commander said he got fat. That's so adorable.

Anders.

 

* * *

 

Anders,

That's nice... Anders. They fit Ser Pounce-a-lot really... well... Are you feeling alright? You're not dying, are you? Am I going to have to write a letter to the Commander? You know she doesn't like to hear bad news. And she has an awful temper. She accidentally threw a fireball at one of the recruits the last time she was here because he told her they couldn't find any more silverite veins in the Wending Wood.

Nathaniel Howe.

 

* * *

 

Nathaniel,

I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm perfectly fine. I'm fine. I just miss my cat. That's all. I'm fine. Do you have any elfroot?

Anders.

 

* * *

 

Anders,

Right, because anything you say five times  _has_ to be true. Why are you askin

(the letter appears to have been abandoned)

 

* * *

 

Warden-Constable,

The men spotted what appears to be a lone apostate lurking around Vigil's Keep. When approached, he hissed and ran into the woods. The scouts lost sight of him after he threw a smoke bomb at them. He could very well be one of the rebel mages, and may pose a problem in the future. I suggest sending more scouts into the woods to find his camp. Others could be with him. We await your orders.

Seneschal Garevel.

 

* * *

 


	7. Mysterious Love Letters Part One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Horrible innuendoes incoming.  
> This took me forever to write because I had to stop every 2 seconds to laugh in horror at myself.

* * *

 

My radiantly shining Inquisitor,

I hesitate to know what you may be doing on your own in that frozen castle without me. But I only wish you would think of me as I think of you. Your beautiful face as I caress it in my hands. Your eyes that hold the secret of the stars and your lips that I yearn for with such an aching passion. I want to feel your heaving breaths as I worship your body in the dead of the night. For surely yours is a temple that has no other equal. I want to hear you pray to your Maker with wanton oblivion as I thrust my sword of mercy into your burning pyre. You are the Andraste to my Hessarion. You are the herald to my fervent pleasure, the prelude of my sleepless nights and the harbinger of my torment. Without you, I am but a sword without its sheathe. I am as a lost man in the desert seeking to quench my thirst of you. There is not a man or woman in this entire world that could ever make me feel this way. The way you wield your staff in battle, with such firm hands on its grip. I shudder to think the magic those hands are able to wrought. I want you to set my loins on fire and show me exactly the reason why mages are feared. Cast aside your armour and lay down with me for a while. We can wage our own war between the sheets, you won't need to pick any sides. Yours is the only one that I want. And when it is over, we will celebrate again like Orlesians after too much wine. For I am drunk on your taste and yours is an exquisite ecstasy. I feel lightheaded already just thinking about it.

I count the days, nay, the minutes in which I am able to hold you in my arms again.

Speak only the word, and I am yours, my dear Inquisitor.

 

* * *

 

Inquisitor,

Why was this sent to me? What is this? Am I missing something? What is happening? Inquisitor???

Cullen.

 

* * *

 

Leliana,

Is this supposed to be some kind of code?

Inquisitor.

 

* * *

 

Inquisitor,

I'm afraid not, but if you'd like, I could try to track its source.

Leliana.

 

* * *

 

Leliana,

WHY IS THIS PLASTERED ON EVERY WALL IN SKYHOLD?

Inquisitor.

 

* * *

 

Inquisitor,

Oh, my. But  _somebody_ is feeling rather frisky recently, isn't he?

Dorian.

 

* * *

 

Dorian,

Please refrain.

Inquisitor.

 

* * *

 

Inquisitor,

Did Curly write this because I want to get an autograph on that and send it to my friends back home.

Varric.

 

* * *

 

Snort.

I want to see this burning pyre for myself.

Show us your sword of mercy, Commander.

Ooooh, kiss kiss. Smooch smooch.

Smite me, Commander, smite me hard!

 

* * *

 

Inquisitor,

I am rather jealous of you. I never knew the Commander had it in him.

Has he ever considered a career change?

Cassandra.

 

* * *

 

Notice To Everyone From The Inquisitor:

Whoever you are, I will find you and I will rip your fucking face off. _  
_

 

* * *

 

 


	8. Starkhaven Correspondences

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this will never ever happen and Seb will hate me forever but wishful thinking ;-;

* * *

 

Hawke,

How many times do I have to say this? No, I am not going to give up on Kirkwall. Even if you send me a million "pretty little figures" of Andraste. You let an abomination walk free, and not only that, you even said that you sympathise with him! A mass murderer is walking around freely because you let your emotions get the better of you. Do you think all the love in your heart could fix this? It won't, Hawke. Elthina was a mother to the both of us, to all of us. She and everyone else in the Chantry did absolutely nothing wrong and they died. For what? So that a mage could prove a point? And what point was that other than to show that we had all the reason to fear their powers. Look at what it's brought us. Nothing but chaos and even more bloodshed. I have no doubt that magic was also involved in the explosion at the Conclave. Now there's a hole in the sky with demons pouring out and the Chantry is in tatters without a Divine. I hope the both of you are happy about all of this. 

Just leave me alone.

Sebastian Vael,  
Prince of Starkhaven.

 

* * *

  

Seb,

Aaw, come on, I know you miss me! What about all those times you said I was your favouritest illegal apostate ever? I still have that little carven mabari you gave me. It's been more than a whole year now, and Aveline is getting really pissed off. She said she's going to kick my ass the next time she sees me because it's my fault you're trying to annex Kirkwall. To be fair, I did tell her that Kirkwall might be better off in your hands anyway. See? I still stick up for you!

Love,  
Hawke.

 

* * *

 

Hawke,

Was. As in, past tense. As in, before _your_ illegal apostate destroyed everything I held dear! I know what you're trying to do, you're trying to make me feel bad. I've set aside all sentimentality. It's not going to work. And for the sweet love of Andraste, stop sending me these little figurines. I don't have any more room to keep them all! That's saying something, seeing as I now live in a  _castle_. Don't you have anything else better to do than to pester me? Seriously, Hawke, stop it.

Sebastian Vael,  
Prince of Starkhaven.

 

* * *

  

Sebastian,

Alright, alright. One last try.

And I do miss you. I miss all of you.

Love,  
Hawke.

 

* * *

 

Hawke,

What did you send me? I don't understand any of it.

(discarded)

 

* * *

 

Hawke,

Where did you find this? How did you get your hands on this? Who else did you kill now?

Sebastian Vael,  
Prince of Starkhaven.

 

* * *

 

Sebastian,

The Hero of Ferelden is my cousin, remember? I got in touch with King Alistair. He was kind enough to rummage through her things in the castle. You wouldn't believe the treasure pile she's collected over the years. He said she wouldn't miss any of it, she comes across this kind of things all the time. Truce?

Love,  
Hawke.

 

* * *

 

Hawke,

Alright. A little truce.

Sebastian Vael,  
Prince of Starkhaven.

 

* * *

 

Varric,

You owe me ten sovereigns.

Love,  
Hawke.

 

* * *

 


	9. Letters From Honnleath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! I'm sorry! Have some Cullen! Edit: Oops I can't remember where Cullen's family moved after Honnleath! I think they moved? I can't be bothered to find out where haha. And I just found out that I missed the Dumat mission in Inquisition and :@!!

* * *

 

Dear Inquisitor,

I think proper introductions should be in order. I am Mia Rutherford, sister to Commander Cullen. The reason I am writing this letter is because it has recently come to my attention that I might soon call you sister. I had heard about the ball that was thrown for the both of you, to celebrate your first anniversary, as I take it. I must admit I had expressed my disappointment to my brother for the lack of an invitation. You must know that he is a delightfully horrible correspondent with a habit of neglecting his family. I don’t mean that in a resentful way, but we do wish he would write more often. Did you know I had to track him down after he left the Circle in Ferelden? Only to find him all the way in Kirkwall after that! We are very relieved to find that he is now a little bit closer to home.

But enough of me prattling on, I think I’ve wasted enough of your time. Please send our regards to my brother and all the best for the both of you.

Sincerely,  
Mia Rutherford.

 

* * *

  

Dear Mia,

Please call me Renee, there is absolutely no need for pesky formalities! I would very much like to think of us as sisters. I hope that’s not too forward. He always talks about you and he holds chess tournaments every week to keep in practice to beat you again. I had a word with Cullen and he thinks it would be nice to have the family visit Skyhold for Satinalia. Our ambassador said she would be pulling out all the stops, so it should certainly prove entertaining. The dwarves are concocting something that I’m afraid to ask about too.

Please tell me all of Cullen’s little secrets. I beg you.

With Love,  
Renee Trevelyan.

 

* * *

 

Dear Renee,

Where should I start? I suppose the first thing you should know about my brother is that he loves pie. One time he declared that he would marry a pie. Granted he was quite young at the time. Nevertheless, his first love was undoubtedly pie. Particularly pigeon pie with raisins. I’ll attach our mother’s old recipe for you if you ever decide to take up the art. It’s quite simple to replicate, though I suggest hunting down the biggest and fattest pigeon you could find beforehand.

The second thing you should know is that he has a fatal weakness. For cute girls in flower crowns. If you placed a flower crown on your head and asked him to dance the remigold with you in the rain, he will do it. That was how I managed to coerce him into doing a number of errands for me. He will be putty in your hands. The third thing is that he has a crippling fear of beetles. He thinks they’re disgusting and will run at the sight of them. If you don’t want him to go anywhere just put a beetle on the door.

And I look forward to beating my bratty little brother in chess all over again.

All my love,  
Mia.

 

* * *

 

Mia,

Have you been exchanging letters with the Inquisitor? How does she know Mother’s pigeon pie recipe?

Cullen.

 

* * *

 

Cullen,

Have you introduced the Inquisitor to me? Don’t be ridiculous. Mother’s pigeon pie recipe was from an old woman from Antiva, and I highly doubt pigeon pie is so difficult to make. You just stuff a pigeon in a pie! And when will we be expecting our invitation to Skyhold for Satinalia?

Mia.

 

* * *

 

Dear Mia,

You should have seen Cullen’s face when I made everyone wear a flower crown for the day! It was absolutely priceless! I think he may be catching on, I caught him sifting through my letters the other day. Don’t worry, I’ve locked all our correspondences in a box and have the key around my neck. He’s looking at me suspiciously now so I’m going to send this off right now.

Undying love,  
Renee.

 

* * *

  

Dear Renee,

I wish I could have been there to see that! I was going through our old things the other day and I found a box with my brother’s old belongings that was sent to us from Kirkwall. Amongst his valuables, I found these. You may do with them as you please. It’s rather amusing.

(a parcel with various books came with the letter)

 _Callipygian Cuirassiers_  
 _Obeying Her Order_  
 _Her Passion’d Breath_  
 _Dreams of Desire_  
 _Dreams of Desire II_  
 _Conscripted By Love_  
 _Swords and Shields  
_ _The Horned Ones_

 

* * *

 

Mia,

**What have you done?!**

Cullen.

 

* * *

 


End file.
